When
emotional intelligence (EQ) first appeared to the masses, it served
as the missing link in a
peculiar
finding: people with average IQs outperform those with the highest
IQs 70% of the
time.
This anomaly threw a massive wrench into the broadly held assumption
that IQ was the
sole
source of success.
Decades
of research now point to emotional intelligence as being the critical
factor that sets star
performers
apart from the rest of the pack. The connection is so strong that 90%
of top
performers
have high emotional intelligence.
“No
doubt emotional intelligence is more rare than book smarts, but my
experience says it is
actually
more important in the making of a leader. You just can’t ignore
it.” – Jack Welch
Emotional
intelligence is the “something” in each of us that is a bit
intangible. It affects how we
manage
behaviour, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions
to achieve positive
results.
Despite
the significance of EQ, its intangible nature makes it very difficult
to know how much
you
have and what you can do to improve if you’re lacking. You can
always take a scientifically
validated
test, such as the one that comes with the Emotional Intelligence 2.0
book.
Unfortunately,
quality (scientifically valid) EQ tests aren’t free. So, I’ve
analysed the data from the
million-plus
people Talent-smart has tested in order to identify the behaviours
that are the
hallmarks
of a low EQ. These are the behaviour that you want to eliminate from
your repertoire.
You
get stressed easily. When you stuff your feelings, they quickly build
into the
uncomfortable
sensations of tension, stress, and anxiety. Unaddressed emotions
strain the mind
and
body. Your emotional intelligence skills help make stress more
manageable by enabling you
to
spot and tackle tough situations before things escalate.
People
who fail to use their emotional intelligence skills are more likely
to turn to other, less
effective
means of managing their mood. They are twice as likely to experience
anxiety,
depression,
substance abuse, and even thoughts of suicide.
You
have difficulty asserting yourself.
People with high EQ s balance good manners, empathy,
and
kindness with the ability to assert themselves and establish
boundaries. This tactful
combination
is ideal for handling conflict. When most people are crossed, they
default to
passive
or aggressive behaviour. Emotionally intelligent people remain
balanced and assertive by
steering
themselves away from unfiltered emotional reactions. This enables
them to neutralize
difficult
and toxic people without creating enemies.
You
have a limited emotional vocabulary.
All people experience emotions, but it is a select
few
who can accurately identify them as they occur. Our research shows
that only 36% of people
can
do this, which is problematic because unlabelled emotions often go
misunderstood, which
leads
to irrational choices and counterproductive actions. People with high
EQ master their
emotions
because they understand them, and they use an extensive vocabulary of
feelings to do
so.
While many people might describe themselves as simply feeling “bad,”
emotionally
intelligent
people can pinpoint whether they feel “irritable,” “frustrated,”
“downtrodden,” or
“anxious.”
The more specific your word choice, the better insight you have into
exactly how you
are
feeling, what caused it, and what you should do about it.
You
make assumptions quickly and defend them vehemently.
People who lack EQ form an
opinion
quickly and then succumb to confirmation bias, meaning they gather
evidence that
supports
their opinion and ignore any evidence to the contrary. More often
than not,
they
argue, ad nauseam, to support it. This is especially dangerous for
leaders, as their under-thought.
out
ideas become the entire team’s strategy. Emotionally intelligent
people let their
thoughts
marinate, because they know that initial reactions are driven by
emotions. They give
their
thoughts time to develop and consider the possible consequences and
counter-arguments.
Then,
they communicate their developed idea in the most effective way
possible, taking into
account
the needs and opinions of their audience.
You
hold grudges.
The negative emotions that come with holding on to a grudge are
actually a
stress
response. Just thinking about the event sends your body into
fight-or-flight mode, a
survival
mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills
when faced with a
threat.
When a threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your
survival, but when a threat is
ancient
history, holding on to that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can
have devastating
health
consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have
shown that holding
on
to stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease.
Holding on to a grudge
means
you’re holding on to stress, and emotionally intelligent people
know to avoid this at all
costs.
Letting go of a grudge not only makes you feel better now but can
also improve your
health.
You
don’t let go of mistakes.
Emotionally intelligent people distance themselves from their
mistakes,
but they do so without forgetting them. By keeping their mistakes at
a safe distance,
yet
still handy enough to refer to, they are able to adapt and adjust for
future success. It takes
refined
self-awareness to walk this tightrope between dwelling and
remembering. Dwelling too
long
on your mistakes makes you anxious and gun shy, while forgetting
about them completely
makes
you bound to repeat them. The key to balance lies in your ability to
transform failures
into
nuggets of improvement. This creates the tendency to get right back
up every time you fall
down.
You
often feel misunderstood.
When you lack emotional intelligence, it’s hard to understand
how
you come across to others. You feel misunderstood because you don’t
deliver your
message
in a way that people can understand. Even with practice, emotionally
intelligent people
know
that they don’t communicate every idea perfectly. They catch on
when people don’t
understand
what they are saying, adjust their approach, and re-communicate their
idea in a way
that
can be understood.
You
don’t know your triggers.
Everyone has triggers—situations and people that push their
buttons
and cause them to act impulsively. Emotionally intelligent people
study their triggers
and
use this knowledge to sidestep situations and people before they get
the best of them.
You
don’t get angry. Emotional intelligence is not about being nice;
it’s about managing your
emotions
to achieve the best possible outcomes. Sometimes this means showing
people that
you’re
upset, sad, or frustrated. Constantly masking your emotions with
happiness and positivity
isn’t
genuine or productive. Emotionally intelligent people employ negative
and positive
emotions
intentionally in the appropriate situations.
You
blame other people for how they make you feel. Emotions come from
within. It’s
tempting
to attribute how you feel to the actions of others, but you
must
take responsibility for
your
emotions. No one can make you feel anything that you don’t want to.
Thinking otherwise
only
holds you back.
You’re
easily offended.
If you have a firm grasp of who you are, it’s difficult for someone
to say
or
do something that gets your goat. Emotionally intelligent people are
self-confident and
open-minded,
which create a pretty thick skin. You may even poke fun at yourself
or let other
people
make jokes about you because you are able to mentally draw the line
between humor
and
degradation.
Bringing
It All Together
Unlike
your IQ, your EQ is highly malleable. As you train your brain by
repeatedly practising new
emotionally
intelligent behaviours, it builds the pathways needed to make them
into habits. As
your
brain reinforces the use of these new behaviours, the connections
supporting old,
destructive
behaviours die off. Before long, you begin responding to your
surroundings with
emotional
intelligence without even having to think about it.
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR:
Dr.
Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the #1 bestselling
book, Emotional
Intelligence
2.0,
and
the co-founder of Talent Smart, the world's leading provider of
emotional
intelligence
tests, emotional intelligence training, and emotional intelligence
certification,
serving
more than 75% of Fortune 500 companies. His bestselling books have
been translated
into
25 languages and are available in more than 150 countries.
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